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Every parยญent hopes, deep down, that their child is the next great sciยญenยญtist like Albert Einยญstein, a world-class pianist like Glen Gould, or a future culยญturยญal icon and author like Toni Morrison. Thereโs no shame in it! Itโs not only a comยญmon impulse; it simยญply means that you want your child to excel at whatยญevยญer they choose to do in life.Peoยญple with Gould or Morยญriยญson or Einยญsteinโs gifts are, admitยญtedยญly, quite rare, but as a parยญent, youโll nevยญer know what your child is capaยญble of until they try difยญferยญent endeavours.And itโs your job to see and check if they are exposed to a myrยญiยญad of activยญiยญties to let them find out what theyโre good at and โ most imporยญtantยญly โ what they love doing.Only by tryยญing new and difยญferยญent things will they learn where their talยญents lie and whether those talยญents are someยญthing they can turn into a lifeยญlong purยญsuit and a potenยญtial career.Guidยญing your child through these waters is an imporยญtant part of your role as a parยญent. Chilยญdren can be unfoยญcused and impulยญsive, and one day they may want to play the tuba, and the next, they want to enrol in the chess club.How do you rein in some of those impulsยญes withยญout dampยญenยญing their spirยญits and deflatยญing their desire to try lots of new things?Weโve got some sugยญgesยญtions for you, ideas you should embrace the next time your child says, โI want to be a vet and a tap dancer!โ How do you hanยญdle proยญnounceยญments like that if they donโt have eviยญdent strengths in either field? What to do?
1- Remember: Few Geniuses are born; theyโre Made!
There are chilยญdren who are born with incredยญiยญble skills; for examยญple, Mozart was comยญposยญing comยญpliยญcatยญed pieces by the age of six.But letโs be realยญisยญtic; most chilยญdren are not born with innate gifts. Nor are their IQs off the charts right out of the womb; most chilยญdren donโt disยญplay talยญents at a genius levยญel until much latยญer, after sevยญerยญal years of schooling.Itโs imporยญtant that you donโt presยญsure your child into difยญfiยญcult acaยญdยญeยญmics unless they show an aptiยญtude for and enthuยญsiยญasm about advanced schooling.In eleยญmenยญtary school (grades one to eight), a childโs gifts become eviยญdent to parยญents and teachยญers alike, and you should be alert to those cues.
2- Resist the Impulse to Push Them too Hard
Itโs almost guarยญanยญteed that if you insist your child takes three piano lessons a week, regardยญless of their age, they will rebel against the strictยญness of that schedule.Try to balยญance their social activยญiยญties (fun) and their trainยญing activยญiยญties (lessons and tutorยญing). This is parยญticยญuยญlarยญly imporยญtant if they are showยญing an aptiยญtude for someยญthing; more is defยญiยญniteยญly not better!Even if they ask for addiยญtionยญal lessons because they love playยญing (the piano, socยญcer, or whatยญevยญer the activยญiยญty may be), donโt cave in.Chilยญdren will often want to indulge in someยญthing they love a whole lot more than is good for them; itโs your responยญsiยญbilยญiยญty to set limยญits and boundaries.
3- Praise Them Continually, Even when they Make Mistakes
Chilยญdren need conยญstant, posยญiยญtive reinยญforceยญment, and you can do that by makยญing sure they get lots of kudos even when theyโre at home, not just at a recital or sciยญence fair or othยญer pubยญlic venues.Misยญtakes are part of learnยญing, and critยญiยญcizยญing them for makยญing them is a sure-fire way to lose interยญest in the activity.
4- The More they Sign Up for, the Less Focused theyโll be
Of course, nothยญing is wrong with enlistยญing your child in the math club and the sciยญence club, espeยญcialยญly because the two areas are someยญtimes relatยญed, and an interยญest in one may indiยญcate an interยญest in the other.But too many activยญiยญties, even though you have the best of intenยญtions, spreads your childโs enerยญgy and focus far too thin. Talk it over with them, find out what they are most capยญtiยญvatยญed by, and go from there.
5- Donโt Get โHung Upโ on Gender-Based Interests
Has your son said he wants to study balยญlet at the local dance acadยญeยญmy? Thatโs terrific!Someยญtimes parยญents make the misยญtake of assoยญciยญatยญing cerยญtain activยญiยญties with genยญder, and thatโs a big mistake.Girls can be engiยญneers and might like to build housยญes with Habiยญtat For Humanยญiยญty durยญing the sumยญmer. Boys can be giftยญed at balยญlet, jazz or tap dancยญing, and many make a career of those artisยญtic pursuits.As the parยญent, donโt conยญfuse quesยญtions of sexยญuยญal idenยญtiยญty with their prefยญerยญences; youโll only alienยญate them.Ask yourยญself whether you are uncomยญfortยญable with your child takยญing up a parยญticยญuยญlar activยญiยญty because of their genยญder. If the answer is yes, youโve got some work to do on your attiยญtudes and opinยญions. Itโs the 21st cenยญtuยญry, and what was once conยญsidยญered verยญboten for a girl is now availยญable to all. Isnโt that marvellous?
6- Let Them Make Mistakes in Their Choices
Sayยญing โI told you soโ (or words to that effect) if your child tries the draยญma club and decides itโs not for them is not productive.Of course, no parยญent wants to invest hunยญdreds of dolยญlars in new sports equipยญment for their child to play hockยญey only to have it end up gathยญerยญing dust in a baseยญment closยญet, but critยญiยญcizยญing and forcยญing them to feel worse about quitยญting an activยญiยญty will only make them hesยญiยญtant to try someยญthing else.Of course, you should express your hopes that they give someยญthing time before decidยญing to quit, rather than attemptยญing it once or twice and stopยญping. But if they give it a lot of thought, are sure itโs not right for them, then accept their deciยญsion and let them move on.
7- Be Sure you Arenโt Nurturing your Past Dreams
Rememยญber when you were 10 and dreamed of being a world-famous actress or engineer?Those were your dreams, not your childโs and imposยญing yours on them is not fair, and any attempt to do so will likeยญly end in disยญasยญter. Itโs vital that you view your child as an indiยญvidยญual in this regard; what matยญtered to you as a child is not necยญesยญsarยญiยญly going to matยญter to them.
8- Show Genuine Enthusiasm
Itโs tough to lisยญten to a child rehearse the saxยญoยญphone, vioยญlin, or othยญer instruยญments that take a lot of pracยญtice to become proficient.But if that is where your childโs gift lies, and their enthuยญsiยญasm, youโve got to be supยญportยญive and cheer them on โ even when the notes theyโre hitยญting sound like finยญgerยญnails on a chalkboard.Develยญopยญing your childโs talยญents means using your strongest gifts as a parยญent โ supยญport, enthuยญsiยญasm, and time manยญageยญment skills, so they donโt get in over their head with too many activยญiยญties on the go all at once.
Last but not least
There is no guarยญanยญtee your child will become a maeยญstro musiยญcian, brilยญliant mathยญeยญmatiยญcian, or savvy busiยญness perยญson, no matยญter how much supยญport and time you invest in achievยญing their dreams and develยญopยญing their gifts. But as the parยญent, itโs your role and your responยญsiยญbilยญiยญty to be your childโs biggest fan and finanยญcial backer, so to speak.That means ponyยญing up the monยญey for fees, equipยญment, and whatยญevยญer else it takes to get them and keep them engaged in the activยญiยญties that lead to the awakยญenยญing of their gifts.Itโs what you signed up for when you decidยญed to become a parยญent, right? Since being a parยญent is the most rewardยญing gift of all, supยญportยญing your chilยญdren as they grow and thrive. It means livยญing up to your part of the bargain!
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