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Chilยญdren react in many difยญferยญent ways when they hear the news that a new baby brothยญer or baby sisยญter is soon to come home from the hosยญpiยญtal with mom and dad. How they react to this change in the famยญiยญly strucยญture and dynamยญic depends, to a large extent, on how well you preยญpare them for it. And their age plays a huge role in whether they fulยญly comยญpreยญhend the news, or whether they feel conยญfused by it.As parยญents, itโs your responยญsiยญbilยญiยญty to help them adapt and accept the new sibยญling, and when you tell them โ and how โ deterยญmines, to a large extent, their reacยญtion to this life-alterยญing announcement.Itโs imporยญtant that you donโt expect too much of your child at first. Dependยญing on how old they are, they may not yet fulยญly underยญstand that the baby is in your body, even when you say so. And the gesยญtaยญtion and birth cycles may be a comยญplete mysยญtery to them. In this artiยญcle, we offer some sugยญgesยญtions for preparยญing your child for a new sibยญling. Timed propยญerยญly and told simยญply and clearยญly, the news can be, if not welยญcomed entireยญly, cerยญtainยญly acceptยญed. After all, if theyโve been an only child until now, the idea of a sibยญling may not thrill them immeยญdiยญateยญly. But not to worry!With your help and guidยญance, they will adjust and come to cherยญish this new litยญtle perยญson under their roof.
1- Wait Until You Are Used To The Idea Before Telling Them
Even if this pregยญnanยญcy was planned, it takes a litยญtle time for parยญents to adjust to the realยญiยญty of havยญing a secยญond (or third) child. Give yourยญself time to adjust, and perยญhaps wait until you begin showยญing before telling your todยญdler that you have a baby in your belly.If they see your tumยญmy growยญing, they may ask quesยญtions, and that is, of course, just fine. Seeยญing the baby grow and change gives a child a terยญrifยญic visuยญal aid, so to speak, that helps them equate whatโs hapยญpenยญing to mom with the growยญing baby.
2- Finish Potty Training Before Babyโs Arrival
If your child has begun potยญty trainยญing, itโs imporยญtant to comยญplete the work before the baby comes, so they are not dealยญing with too many big life changes all at once. If potยญty trainยญing hasnโt startยญed when the baby comes, postยญpone it for a while. After all, your child will get there eventually!The same goes for switchยญing from a crib to a bed. Insistยญing your child move to a โgrown-up bedโ while dealยญing with a new sibยญling is askยญing too much. Chilยญdren canโt cope with sigยญnifยญiยญcant stresยญsors all at once. Even if they are lookยญing forยญward to the babyโs arrival, it repยญreยญsents a proยญfound change and hanยญdling one big difยญferยญence, not two or three, helps them cope more quickยญly and positively.
3- Remember That They Will Absorb Your Mood
If youโre havยญing fatigue issues or othยญer aspects of your pregยญnanยญcy is difยญfiยญcult, try to avoid voicยญing comยญplaints in front of your child.They will assume it is the babyโs โfaultโ that you donโt have as much enerยญgy as you used to or donโt feel well. Chilยญdren, parยญticยญuยญlarยญly before they reach school age, are litยญtle sponges who see things in conยญcrete, black and white terms.They canยญnot comยญpreยญhend that fatigue is a natยญurยญal part of pregยญnanยญcy; they will only see that youโve changed, and not (in their eyes) necยญesยญsarยญiยญly for the betยญter. In their presยญence, be as joyยญous as you posยญsiยญbly can be about the impendยญing birth. That helps your child find joy in the babyโs develยญopยญment, too.
4- Get Them Involved In Practical Matters
If itโs time to paint the nursยญery, for examยญple, ask your child what colours they like and which one they would pick for the baby. The same goes for stockยญing up on clothยญing and othยญer essentials.If youโve still got outยญfits from their babyยญhood, go through them with your child and talk about your wonยญderยญful memยญoยญries of that time. Sayยญing things like, โwonโt your litยญtle blue sweater look cute on the baby?โ instills pride in your child and reminds them that they, too, were once a cherยญished tiny infant and are now the โoldยญer and wisยญerโ eldest child โ a posiยญtion of honยญour in the family.
5- Remind Extended Family To Fuss Over Your Child, Not Just The Baby!
Whether the baby has already arrived or is soon to make their entrance, babies are the source of great joy in famยญiยญlies. Howยญevยญer, itโs vital that your child, no matยญter their age, doesnโt feel excludยญed from the hapยญpy talk famยญiยญly memยญbers engage in.Remind them that they need to conยญtinยญue spendยญing time with your child, not just the baby. If theyโre comยญing by to see the baby for the first time, sugยญgest they bring a new toy or game for your child and be sure they parยญticยญiยญpate in an activยญiยญty with them.After all, your child was once the star, so to speak, and being asked to play secยญond fidยญdle to a new baby will not fosยญter sibยญling bonds of love and trust. Make sure that baby and child are treatยญed as equal stars of the show.
6- Give Your Child a Role In The Babyโs Care
Obviยญousยญly, when a new baby arrives, mom and dad are conยญsumed with childยญcare duties and may not be able to spend as much time with the elder sibยญling as they did before the birth, at least not for a few months.Getยญting the oldยญer sibยญling involved in the babyโs care makes them feel like parยญticยญiยญpants, not just observers, in this changยญing famยญiยญly strucยญture. What you ask them to do depends on their age, natยญuยญralยญly, but if they can manยญage it, sugยญgest they hold and rock the baby for a few minยญutes each day โ under your superยญviยญsion, of course.Even if all they can do is put away baby clothes into the nursยญery dressยญer, laud them for it, and thank them for all their help. What seems like a minor task to an adult can have outยญsize meanยญing to a child, and itโs vital that you look at that from their perspective.
7- Get Your Partner To Spend Extra Time With Your Child
If mom feels tired and she canโt play baseยญball or go shopยญping for school clothes while in her third trimester, itโs the perยญfect opporยญtuยญniยญty for dad to step up and fill the parยญentยญing role more actively.Fathers today already take more responยญsiยญbilยญiยญty for day-to-day parยญentยญing responยญsiยญbilยญiยญties than their dads did; howยญevยญer, the burยญden still largeยญly falls on mothยญers in many families.Durยญing pregยญnanยญcy and when the baby first arrives, encourยญage dad to spend more time with his oldยญer child, which benยญeยญfits them both and takes the presยญsure off mom. For examยญple: when youโre feedยญing your newยญborn baby, sugยญgest that the father and tot go in the kitchen and get supยญper started.
8- Read Books That Together Explain Conception & Pregnancy
There are plenยญty of picยญture books availยญable that detail, in terms your child will underยญstand, how a baby develยญops both durยญing pregยญnanยญcy and in the first months of life.Two terยญrifยญic titles are: Whatโs InThere?โ by Robยญbie Harยญris and Nadine Bernard Westยญcott, and โWhat Makes Baby?โ by Cory Silยญverยญberg and Fiona Smyth. (Both books are availยญable on Amaยญzon.) A quick Interยญnet search will uncovยญer the best, age-approยญpriยญate book for you and your child to read together. Check It Out Now On Amaยญzon! Check It Out Now On Amazon!
9- Give Them a Little Extra Attention While You Still Can
Soon enough, youโll be dividยญing your focus in half, so for now, give your child lots of extra love and attenยญtion. Indulge them by lavยญishยญing affecยญtion on them, and donโt be surยญprised if they regress a little.They may ask to sleep with you for a night or two because they may feel a litยญtle inseยญcure. As long as it doesnโt perยญsist, letยญting them act a litยญtle baby-ish for a bit isnโt going to cause any harm.
Last But Not Least
Welยญcomยญing a new baby is an excitยญing step in the evoยญluยญtion of your famยญiยญly. If hanยญdled propยญerยญly, with care and conยญcern for their feelยญings, your oldยญer child will get excitยญed about this change in the famยญiยญly dynamic.They may not be an only child anyยญmore, but they get all the fun and recogยญniยญtion of being an oldยญer sibยญling โ the chance to be a role modยญel and have a lifeยญlong bond with this perยญson. Nevยญer again will they have to face the future alone because this new baby may one day prove to be their very best friend as well as their sibยญling. And that is cause for celยญeยญbraยญtion, and joy, for everyยญone in the family!
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